I have so much to say

Dear Readers,
Please comment when you are done. Thank you.

I have so much to say, but I will try to sort it out for you.
I like to record my thoughts at 3am , because they are the best ones.
I think about all the things I can't think about during the day, because I am so preoccupied by the daily life.
Right now I am thinking about a million things.
  One thing is " Why Do I think so much at the worst times?"
Every-time somebody is leaving, hanging up the phone, or has to go, I think of the best things to talk about. I think about every tiny detail in a matter of seconds, but don't have the minutes to express them.
 Next thing: " Why can I imagine such complex and interlaced images, but could never explain or draw them?
I think of the most beautiful decorations, or the most extravagant lands, but can never bring them out of my head. I have taken years of art, but am not talented in it enough to portray my thoughts onto paper. A million words could harldy describe what goes on in my head. That is why I talk so much. There is just so much to be said!
 Third Thing: "I know nothing is perfect, but why do I try SO hard to make it that way?"
I try to make everything I can or want to perfect.  I do not even know why perfect is a word because there is nothing that can be described by it. And if so, It is just an opinion. It is not the truth. And knowing that, just makes it feel snubby when someone says "it's perfect."
I have always thought I am not "good enough." This could be caused by childhood trauma, but I try to not let my childhood get to me anymore.
After learning that my childhood effected me so much, I stopped letting it. I changed things.
But this "Striving to be perfect" comes out of my natural instincts. I noticed, as I looked at my sweating body today, that it still looked like it always did- normal. I know I am not a normal size, but just a tad smaller. But I feel like I will never be able to look down at my body and say,"wow, I wouldnt change a thing." But then again, who says that?ps 3 is my favorite number. Hence "third thing"
Numbro Quatro: "Love changed me"
  I know what your thinking "this 16 year old girl does not know what love is" But let me tell you, I DO. Just listen.
Up until I met my lover Joseph, I was suicidal. I did not own many reasons to live. I felt like my parents did not care about me.( They did not show it, as they were glued to their drug induced worlds) FYI{Theyre sober now} My friends were no help at all. They have always been to "young" to understand my life. The harder things you go through, the more you understand why you go through them. I now know "GOD will not hand you  anything You can not handle"-Grandma Cookie.
  So Love Changed Me. It made me want to "live." It made me want to look outside my window, instead of ignoring that the Sun is actually up. See, I have been an insomniac since I can remember. I used to stay up at night and sleep all day.(sometimes)Right now It is 3:11 and I am typing about 55 words per minute. But now my lover is on the phone and my mind is taken up. I will continue the rest later!
Love Nicole
Ps PLEASE COMMENT